Sunday, February 13, 2011

Grandma Phoebe


Grandma Phoebe was my Grandpa Jones' last wife. I'm not real sure how many wives he had altogether, more than two I know. One was my father's mother, Minnie, who herself had several marriages; and the last was Phoebe Petty Kinkade. There was at least one wife before Minnie, and he had other children -- aunts and uncles I've never known.

Jim and Phoebe married on November 13, 1947 and stayed together until Grandpa Jones passed away in Cedaredge, Colorado on December 7, 1963 at the age of 76. This was no easy feat. The stories about my grandfather and his temper are legendary. He worked hard, played hard, and drank hard; and he left behind stories of headlights smashed out of cars, ears bitten off of horses, and children wounded by abuse. There was even a shushed mention of a possible homicide in his past.

There were also hundreds of horses broken for riding, multiple "All Around Cowboy" awards, and the mystical trick horse Teddy, his most prized possession. His tombstone reads "His Interest Was Horses," and it was what he was most known for; he was also a cowboy poet who wrote lyrics worthy of Marty Robbins.

His lifestyle and age finally began catching up with him in the early 50s. He was after all nearly 60 by this time. Grandma Phoebe was the lucky recipient of a beat up old cowboy, and she was as good as gold to him. I don't remember much about their time in Mosca, because I was only about two when we got there and little more than three when we left for California. But I do have memories of her in Cedaredge, where they owned a ranch southwest of the center of town and on the side of a mesa, part of the Grand Mesa area.

Phoebe was a typical hardworking rancher's wife, and women like her could be found all over Colorado in those days. She kept the garden, minded the subsistence animals, harvested supper or butchered it, and cooked some grand meals complete with fresh baked bread. She fished and hunted and cleaned her own kill. She opened her heart to the little Jones girls, and was just as much a grandma to us as Grandma Minnie.

In late 1949 or early 1950, Grandpa Jones wrote the following note to my mother, thanking her for addressing her letter to them "Mom and Dad."

Dear kids Don't feel like writing but must Thank You Virginia for starting your letter Dear Mom and Dad and don't know which one of us appreciated it the most. God bless you and I do hope the both of you understand what she means to me especialy(sic) the things she does for me when I cant help myself. Love and best wishes to you both. As ever Dad

My mom used to tell me that in those days Phoebe used the flour bin for time-outs for a mischievous toddler. She told me I used to act up so much that I would just get in the flour bin without being told. I don't remember this. I do remember visiting them in Cedaredge in the late 50s or early 60s when I was 9 or 10. I remember her deftly wringing the neck of a chicken that moments before had been contemplating the gravel in the yard, and tying its legs to the clothesline before she slit its throat.



The last time I heard from Grandma Phoebe was in 1968. I was visiting relatives in the San Luis Valley and couldn't get to Cedaredge to see Phoebe, so I called and talked with her briefly over the phone. It had been many years since we'd had contact; so it was a little strange. Not long after that I got a package in the mail with some books written by Millie Jones Porter who had chronicled the Jones family pioneers of the Texas Panhandle, and dozens of Grandpa's cowboy poems (since lost to another family member), along with a wonderfully sweet note reflecting on their life together. She counted being included in the extended Jones family as one of the richest gifts in her life overall. Me, too.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Making Room

We're having unseasonably warm and beautiful weather in Parker this week. The temperature has been north of 60 the past two days, with clear blue skies sporting some of those wispy clouds that remind me more of April than January [Note: updated forecast is for a high of minus 3 degrees on Tuesday, 1 Feb!]. The sunrises have been breathtaking, but have been totally outdone by the heart-stopping sunsets. The views of the snow-capped Rockies against this backdrop...so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes. It's the kind of weather that gets me outside and moving forward again, even if it is only to walk the dogs.

Today I did some cleaning in the garage. Josh has been working on our big bad blue Bronco, and it was time to make some room to safely walk through to the freezer! While I was out there, I was finally able to gird my loins and load up some of the medical equipment left from caring for Bill. Felix, Bill's prosthesis which we named after Felix Ungar since Bill was like Oscar Madison of The Odd Couple, went to a  company (Hanger Orthopedics) that sends teams to Haiti to fit victims of the earthquake with prosthetics. I know Bill would have been happy to see it go to such a good cause. Bill would have been happy just to see it go. His wheelchair and other adaptive equipment went to Goodwill Industries.

We have more space in the garage as a result, but it was strangely hard to let go of these things. I found myself tearing up as I handed Felix over. These were objects that had held and supported Bill; now they will hold and support someone else. I know in my heart that moving these things out was a positive thing to do, but still feel the loss as if they weren't just things. They were as much a part of our daily life as was the bed we shared. As much as I had cursed that wheelchair and the bruises it gave me, I so miss seeing him in it that I somehow didn't want to let it go -- as if keeping it around could keep him around a little longer.

How much of the stuff in our lives is there to fill the void of people and events that are long gone? How much of it, like Bill's wheelchair, is taking up space that would be a welcome spot for the people and possibilities coming into our lives if we would only make room for them?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Poetry From Long Ago

I have been tearing the house apart looking for Bill's DD-214. It is making me crazy for a couple of reasons. First, I know it is here somewhere; it's not something you lose, because it is way too important. The other reason it is making me crazy is that I have to be looking for it at all. The VA is asking me to produce it; even though they have a complete file on Bill that is over 25 years old. So, I have sent a prayer up to Saint Tony (who always comes through for me) and given up the search for the night.

In the meantime, while looking for the 214, I came across a bundle of poetry I saved from decades ago when I still wrote poetry now and then. Here is one I wrote for Bill for our first Valentine's Day as a couple in 1982:

The Vase

Do you have any idea
How many years it's been
Since last I noticed that
Valentine's Day
was anything other than a day
for children to exchange paper hearts?
I would pass by card counters
and look the other way.
The heart-shaped boxes wrapped 
in pink and red cellophane
held no special appeal for me.
But, of course, you know this year
 is and has been
different.
I looked through card after card;
Mushy
Stupid
Silly
Insulting
Clinging
and 
Dull.
And I realized that no other person
could write for me
the feeling I have
for you.
So
if I give you my love,
would you give me your heart
to put it in?

****
The following two, written in September 1981, have a familiar ring to it given my current situation:

Chewing Gum and Baling Wire

Do your life kiddo
that's the important thing
now.
Do your life
because people depend on you
big people 
and 
LITTLE people
 and if you don't do
your life
then 
their lives
come 
unglued.
So paste the pieces
back together
kiddo
Nobody is really interested
in pain stories
or pain poetry
or 
pain
for that matter.
So get on with it
kiddo
and do your life.

***
Monad

"You know he's right," she said,
"we really should back up a bit.
After all, we're both adults here, 
and there really is no reason
why we can't handle our lives
in a
singularly
responsible
adult
manner."
And then she drifted down the road
and sighed
and smiled
and went back to paying bills
writing letters
sorting papers --
doing all those things that
singularly responsible adults do --
knowing 
it would never be the same
but not knowing 
what it
would 
be.
It's still not easy being a grown-up
and
sometimes it isn't much fun either.
When I was little
and got scared
and needed a hug,
there was always a big person
to push the monsters away.
I'm not supposed to believe 
in monsters anymore,
But there is something dark
and cold
outside my window now.
The kids are sleeping
the dog is sleeping
and you are home
being singularly responsible
and adult.
And this is 
easier
than I thought it would be
but
definitely
not 
fun.
Could I crawl into your lap
for a little while?
Just until the monsters go away?

****

Friday, December 31, 2010

Somewhat Daily Dose of Wow! Reflections on New Years Eve 2010

Have I, for most of my life, been so concerned with coloring between the lines, except when I would venture over them to test the consequences:
"Boy! That hurt! I won't do that again! "
      or
"Hmmm! What was it that was supposed to be so bad about this?"
that I failed to pull back and see that my little errors are of very little consequence in the vastness of this Universe?

I resolve, in the New Year, to spend more time observing the Universe and less time meddling in its affairs.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Another Loss In a Year of Loss

Yesterday morning, very very early, my great aunt Mathilde took leave of this earthly plane at the age of 102. She had been in failing health for a while, but was still able to celebrate her birthday with family on November 24. Mathilde was my grandmother Rose's identical twin. In her late 80s or early 90s, my grandmother had the misfortune of somehow triggering the breast cancer gene we carry, and succumbed in 2007 at the age of 98.


The girls were born on November 24, 1908 into the Charles Fouquet family. In the picture above, they are shown with their older sister, Helena. Like all good stories, their birth story contains some mystery. You see, the family has always been told that Grandma (Rose) was the second twin to arrive. In fact, Grandma herself writes:
I was the middle child in a family of five children all born in Andale, Kansas. My twin sister, who preceded me by only three minutes, was named Mathilde Theresa. The doctor, who arrived just a few minutes too late to deliver Mathilde, insisted we should be named Kate and Duplicate, as we were so identical. Fortunately for me, my parents had the good sense not to be influenced by the well-meaning doctor, or I might have gone through life with the nickname “Dupe.” 
It is documented in several places that Mathilde was first (including the Grandma Remembers book that my Grandmother completed for me). However, there is the little matter of the birth certificate, which indicates that Rosalia Bernardine Fouquet was the first of the twins born that day. Now, this makes for some interesting possibilities: 

  1. The family has heard it wrong all these years and Rose was first
  2. The birth certificate is wrong and Rose was really second
  3. (The most provocative possibility) Rose was really Mathilde and Mathilde was really Rose.

The Charles Fouquet Family (1919)
 For a good part of their lives, whether it was Rose or Mathilde was irrelevant because they were inseparable. They wore the same clothes, went to the same schools, shared the same friends, and shared the same bed.  They truly were wombmates, and even addressed letters to each other in that fashion: Dear Wombmate.They dressed alike well into senior adulthood; sometimes on purpose, many times purely coincidentally.

The Roaring Twenties
80th Birthday (1988)
Pentagon Tour 1992

For the past several years, since Rose died, Mathilde has often spoken of her as if she was only out of the room. She has insisted that Rose is living right across the street and she spoke of disagreements she believes they've had. My cousin and her family have kept close watch and have been wonderful about keeping our huge extended family informed. On Christmas day, Aunt Mathilde commented that she'd had a pretty good life and that she thought she would be leaving soon.

August 2002
She departed sometime after midnight on Tuesday morning for that great reunion. God bless you, Aunt Mathilde, and may you rest in peace.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Memories of Christmas Eve 1956

I was only six, although I'm sure I would have claimed "Six and a half!" I don't remember any Christmases before this one, and not a lot about the ones that came after, especially now that there have been so many. Now I am ten times six and am not worried about the half year. Christmas 1956 was memorable because it was the worst and the best Christmas.

As was frequently the case, we (Mom, Barbara and I) were spending the Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa Davis in Martinez, California. It was already kind of a grim Christmas because our handsome daddy who hung the moon and created the stars was way far off in Saudi Arabia working for Aramco. He had been gone six months already, and we were all of us missing him on a cellular level. We had taken him to Stapleton Airport in Denver and watched while he boarded the airplane and it flew off to places we couldn't even imagine. This picture was taken just outside the airport terminal the morning he left. My mom always swore that if you looked at it closely, you could see tears in his eyes.


After he flew off, we drove around the state, visiting with great grandmothers and aunts, uncles and cousins and great aunts, great uncles and second cousins. It was on this trip that I formed my life-long attachment to Del Norte, Colorado where my great grandma Fouquet lived, as well as my great uncle Charles and his family. After everyone was visited, we drove home to Long Beach, California to try and live a routine life until Daddy came home or sent for us to go live with him in Saudi Arabia.

Needless to say, the only thing we two little girls wanted -- and I am sure that goes triple for my mom -- was to have Daddy home for Christmas. But this was not to be the year, and we were all being very brave and trying not to complain too much because it made Mommy so sad.

Then, very late on the eve of Christmas Eve there was a phone call. It was a long distance phone call so everyone had to be quiet. It was for Grandma; and when she hung up she went directly to her room and closed the door. You could hear the sobs from behind the heavy door. The call had come from Colorado. Her brother, Charles, and his son, Dick, had been killed that evening in a plane crash in Del Norte. Grandma left the next day for Colorado.

The story appeared on Christmas Eve on the front page of the Contra Costa Gazette. Charles had served on the Martinez police department for five years, and had been well known in the east bay area. Unfortunately, because the story was printed before all of the facts were known, it got many of them wrong, including the location of the crash which it placed 30 miles away in Alamosa.

A more accurate account came out a few days later in the Monte Vista Journal, again on the front page:



The cause of the crash, which killed four people including my great uncle and cousin, was never really known. But the darkness that it had brought to our entire family's Christmas was palpable, even to a child of six. I cried that Christmas Eve for my uncle and cousin, whom I had only come to know. I cried for my grandmother, who was so sad. I cried for my mother who was now sad AND lonely. And I cried for me because I missed my daddy so much. This was the worst Christmas, ever. Somehow I slept.

I don't remember exactly what woke me or where I was even when I realized that my Daddy was home, and it was not a dream! And it was Christmas! I was a great Santa Claus believer for a great many more years than most children because of this Christmas gift. My dad later told us that he had simply gotten so homesick that he couldn't stand being away from us any longer. He didn't know anything about the tragedy that had recently happened, but I can't help believing that the irresistible urge he had had to be home was a gift of what many would call the Holy Spirit. Dad actually rescued Christmas that year, and for the rest of his life he always kept it in his heart.

I'm not sure what else we got for Christmas that year. It may have been the year of the white vinyl jackets or the coonskin caps and other Daniel Boone accoutrement.  I just remember knowing that Rudolph's red nose had guided Santa in delivering the best Christmas present ever! And so, as I face what will certainly be a different Christmas from those I've become used to, I know there are gifts aplenty. I am blessed with home and family and food in the pantry. These are all good things, and I take none of them for granted.

Merry Christmas everyone! May you know how very blessed you are!