Saturday, August 28, 2010

Why This Blog?

This started as a brainstorm on a Saturday morning after watching an amazing sunrise (something I try to do on a regular basis). I’ve been thinking that I need to get off my behind and do something. My husband, Bill, died on July 29 after a short and brutal battle against lung cancer, and I have accepted that I will be living with Grief as a companion for some time to come. We’d been married nearly 28 years, and I had been his full-time caregiver since his above-knee amputation in June 2007. Before that, I was wife, mother, housekeeper, full-time instructional system designer, career AF NCO...

Now…no job, no children at home, no husband, no one to care for -- but me. Should be easy. Right? Except, what is my identity now? Who am I? Why am I here? What am I going to do with the rest of my life? What do I WANT to do with the rest of my life?

And I am exhausted from the events of the last couple of years. The concentration and intensity of life experiences has been numbing. Lots and lots of losses. People, places, dreams…I feel beat up and I kind of feel like I have been following a script– a script of my own writing, certainly; but I don’t feel like I have always been conscious of the action. I want to go forward with some awareness of what is going on around me and in me.

In this space, I will discover and create that awareness. The rules are that I have to write something daily (beginning 1 September 2010), whether I feel like it or not. If it is going to be a busy day with lots of activity, then I will just have to figure out how to get this work done, too. And if I don’t feel like it, then that’s a part of the discovery, too.

This is a real life, not a fantasy life. I am not going on dramatic searches for experiences to write about. This is about discovering who I am and creating what I want to be for the rest of my life. It has to be authentic, and it has to be sustainable (and I can’t sustain it very long if I start spending money on trips to Bali). I will be going on about the business of putting my life in order, and noting the stuff that comes up as a result of that. I have a couple of trips planned (San Antonio in September and Arlington to bury my husband in November), and they will definitely be incorporated into the journal. They are part of the discovery.

Every day will be a day of DISCOVERY.

  • Discovering what I have in my house
  • Discovering what I have in my heart and on my mind
  • Discovering things that are in my world
  • Discovering where I am in that world
  • Discovering within and without

There will be the Daily Dose of Wow! A photo or a thought that got my attention that day.

Every day will also be a day of creation. Each day, I will ask myself, “What did I create today?” It might have been a moment of laughter, a great meal, or a clean space for creativity to happen. If it is something I can “show and tell,” then that’s what I will do; but if it can’t be shown, I will at least try to describe it.

What I probably won’t write a lot about is politics. I’ve determined that paying attention to and being involved in any kind of politics gets me worked up and anxious. And anxiety is just another form of fear – an emotion I am no longer providing aid and comfort to. I will give it passing attention as context, but will try to avoid it as I would an accident on the highway, by moving on.

So, the question is: Will you join me on this journey of self-discovery and recreation? If you think you might like to tag along, please sign up to follow Sharon’s Sabbatical Year, and join in by commenting or emailing me. See you on 1 September!