Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Fifteenth Thursday

I've been working on the program for Bill's funeral service and my personal eulogy for the past couple of days. Coincidentally, it has been cold, gray and raining steadily since last night. The closer we get to the day of the funeral (November 8), the more fragile my emotions get. I am okay with that. I hope the people around me are also okay with that. Not that it matters; there isn't much I can do about it anyway. As Bill would often say, "It is what it is."

I guess I didn't realize that I had shelved some stuff back in July and August. So now, it's time to pull it out and deal with things I would not think about then. The things that hurt me and made me angry and scared. These aren't huge monsters of rage and terror; they never were. I was just too tired after weeks of nursing my dearest friend as he disappeared from me, to face them and put them in their places. I wanted rest, and time to heal a bit before I had to be a grownup again. And now that I am rested, Sorrow comes calling and appears to have packed for a stay.

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